The Middle Canty: Susan James 1948-2012

Its been a week since Susan James, Kevin's Mom passed away. She was a great woman. Most of my memories of her, of course are closely tied to Kevin. For those who are close to the Canty

family knows that Kevin has been more of a brother than a friend. He is my unofficial unadopted brother. LOL.. We have been friends for 13 years now (2012).

We met in 8th grade and we were the last two people to class therefore HAD to sit together. That was a beginning of our friendship. We have been through so much together, Birthdays, Holidays, Graduations, Jobs, Moving, Relationships ect.. Both great times and we (as all friends) had our share of our eye-scratching-hair-ripping-out-fights. Anyways, Most of my memories of Sue are woven within our friendship. I remember in High School, picking him up for whatever we had planed. She always answered the door beaming knowing it was me. Most of the time, it was a quick, pop in visit to say hi to his parents before we jetted out.

As we graduated from High school, we went to different colleges. I went away to Oregon for my last 2 year of my undergrad. When I came back, I always made it a goal to stop by and see Kevin's parents. She would always say, "Rachel, When are you gonna come home. I know you cant leave Momma Canty all by herself here." that always made me smile. She would always ask about Crystal and Josh and what they was doing, and about their relationships with potential boyfriends and girlfriends. I remember when Crystal started to date. She wasnt sure about him, she always said "No guy is good enough for the Canty girls." She always told me that she loved Josh and that the girl that he found better be something else. She would ask about everyone. She always made me smile. You knew that she loved us and cared for us just as much as she did Kevin. She always held our family so high. She knew Kevin was in good hands when he was with us. She started calling mom "Momma Canty" cause she was like Kevin's 2nd mom.

After I graduated from Oregon, I was home for a year. Sue was so excited that was "back home." During that year, I was home Grandma Been passed. I remember Sue showing her support by saying, that grandma is home now and is proud watching you guys. After that year, I was itching to move again and this time I went to Springfield, Missouri. Sue, did not that like I was leaving again but was happy that I was going on to get my Masters. Again, when I came home for the holidays, I always stopped by to say Hi. The first year that I was away was the year that we were planning Crystal's wedding. We invited Sue, Earl and Kevin to the wedding. Earl, her husband, wasnt doing well so we didnt know if sue would come because she had been taking care of Earl. Well, that didnt stop her. She said, "Nothing will keep me away from a Canty Wedding." She came to the ceremony, she wanted to go to the reception but we all knew she had to get back home. Kevin and her sat right behind the family during the ceremony and Kevin was part of the family table at the reception. After that, Sue was blown away by the wedding. She told me after, "Rachel, what an beautiful wedding! Momma Canty goes out for you girls. I want to see yours." Sadly, she wont but I know that when I get married, I'll hear her giving me her approval. :-)

Every time, I came to visit she would tell me that Earl's family is from Springfield/Branson Area. She would shoot off cities where they lived, I knew almost all the places she said. Again, she wanted me to come back home. She would always tell me to come home every time I visited! I graduated from Missouri State and she was again so proud of me. I dreaded telling her that I accepted a Job there. I knew she wouldnt like it because that didnt place me back home.

During my short, short stay over my Christmas break. I again popped my head in. Kevin, was spending his time in Atlanta, GA so it was just Sue, Earl and I visiting. Sue was right where I knew she would be: standing by Earl's side, taking care of him. We talked about how he was doing, the job, coming home and every thing else. We talked about Kevin and how proud we were of him. We talked about our friendship. She expressed how grateful she has been for us with how we were with kevin. I told her, "Oh Sue!!! Kevin is amazing guy. You dont have to worry about him. Hes got it covered." She said, "Yeah, I know! Momma Canty helped alot." I gave her that "Oh, whatever" look and reassured her that she did a great job too. I was there for about a hour visiting. She has to go and do a quick errand so I left her and I said good bye. That was the last time I saw her and spoke to her.

Through the distance, I would occasionally text Kevin, "Thinking about you! Tell your parents I said Hi." or just checking up on him and the family. Two days before, the sad new broke. I texted kevin checking up on them. He said, "Things are good. Thanks for checking up with me and my family." On Thursday, March 22 2012, I went to work thinking "Its gonna be a good day" I was teaching and I noticed my phone "blowing up" I thought. Way too early for CA for to be up. I started to think, "something is wrong" I went to my phone and I read the sad news. Mom had texted me. I couldnt believe it!! I quickly told my students go back to class and I called Kevin. The words couldnt come fast enough, the tears were streaming down my face. My heart just broke!! It was a quick call cause kevin had to take care of what was happening there.

Its been a long week. Today was the funeral Friday, March 30, 2012. Kevin had planned a lovely home going ceremony for his mom. I heart still breaks for him and his family. I have been reminded of Sue and my last conversation at Christmas, reassuring her that Kevin is going to be fine. I still know and believe that. During this last week, I have seen kevin grown in the the MAN his mom wanted him to be. I know he has a lot of his plate and it will take a while for things to be okay. Momma Canty has stepped in to a role where she has always been. She has been holding up kevin in a way that a mom could only do.

I am home for the funeral for this weekend. I am SO grateful for the friends in kevin's life that he had made. They have come along side him and as help him get through this difficult time. Its hard being away knowing that he is hurting but I am grateful for where we are in life and to know that he is okay.

Kevin and I have a great friendship and I am so honored to have him in my life. My sister reminded me earlier this week, "Thats what friendship is about. You go through both ups and downs." Kevin, I hope that our friendship will continue to grow and become deeper and richer as our lives take off into adulthood. I want to say that our friendship has lasted 40 years plus. Love you as a brother.... When it comes to you, "Water IS thicker!"

I write this blog, to get my thoughts down and as dedication to Susan James.