School vs. Work...AHHHH!!!

Most of you know that I graduated in June 2008.  While that is great news on the other hand it kind of sucks because that means have to a) go to grad school or b) get a job. My ideal plan was to go straight to grad school.  That plan was a bust from the start, which left me with plan b...which was fine with me.. so the summer after my graduation I called up 3 school districts so I can get a job as a speech pathologist.  All of them said that they were short staff and that they would love to hire me once I got my Masters.  So... now I am screwed both of my plans were shot down...so I thought that I would go back to El Camino and take fun classes to stay on insurance (you know the classes that you always wanted to take but never got a chance to) so I did that.  However, I guess I failed my basic math class because I was only taking 9 units and not 12 units so I was knock off of my insurance anyways.. :( but I took the classes anyways.. I enjoyed them. 

The semester ended and I was again faced with choices a) get a full time job or b) go back to El Camino.  Even thou, I enjoyed my classes last semester, I didnt want to go to school.. My mentality was I just graduated I want time off and I dont want to be burned out before I get in to my master's program (during the first semester I applied to Redlands and Missouri State for their master's program) I thought it was reasonable and most of my friends and my sister agreed with that, but finding a full time job in this economy got me very very worried.. so I went out again in search for a job... I called a few business, just to find out that they would never call me back again during this time I did call first steps which I was told that they aren't hiring in January but will be in February. (which I did call them back and got an interview, see last blog).

So, I signed up for classes for El Camino, Spring semester.  As I did that, I continue to complain to my sister that I didnt want to start classes... my sister reported that little fact to my mom which agreed with us.. However, if I didnt go to school or get that full time job I couldnt get my insurance...Thats a problem... 

As January was ending and February was just around the corner, the desire of not going to school was getting stronger and stronger.. Mom said "its okay dont go to school." Dad said,"go to school and get insurance" Inflicting messages... Left me confused and wanting to just give up on the whole topic.. "The sleep in til noon and hope that a full time job would just fall in my lap" kind of thing..

Last friday, I got the interview at first steps (for more details see previous blog) it went well but the results are unknown.  I rearranged my school schedule to get out before 12:00 so I can work from 1:00-6:00, Just in case. ;) However, I wont know the official results for another week/week in a half..

Today, Monday February 16: Presidents Day.. One day before school officially starts.. I asked mom the question again. "Mom, considering school starts tomorrow, am I going or not?" As I was cleaning up breakfast, mom began her motherly duty and discussed it with dad. They came up with the decision that I didnt have to go to school as long as I was productive with the next step in life.. I could work on these things: 1) study for my GREs 2) Look in to getting my teaching credentials 3) Study for my interpreter certification in sign language.  FINE! I bit ticked off because neither of these three options werent easy.. they all require MAJOR leg work.  I wasnt happy to say the least.  

After a shower and a "Discussion" where I did the talking to my mom about what I feel about the three options, I decided to prove my parents wrong and that it wasnt easy as 1-2-3.  I got out my old computer so I can boot it up and study for my GREs went in to the kitchen and got to work.  As my old computer booted up I went online to search for information about teaching credentials.. call biola to get information.. was transfered through four different people just to leave a message.  GRR.. My old computer took two hours to boot up.. after that.. I had dad answer some questions on the GREs to see if he can get and understand the questions... BEHOLD he was failing.. he got 8 incorrect out of 15 on one section and 5 incorrect out of 12 on the another session.. My point was proven.. studying for the GREs was time consuming, extremely frustrating.  Mom brought it up, if I already submitted my application for masters why did I need to study for my GREs... My ultimate goal is to get in to a masters program (GREs are similar to the SATs.. so I have to pass my GREs before I get into a masters program) I replied to my mom by saying maybe I can try in 2010?! That would be three years of trying to get into a masters program.. maybe if I dont get in this year I should just give up.. so that checks off two off of my list.. 

At lunch, after dad tried to take the GREs, he offered that maybe I should go back to school and get another BA in Sign Language/Deaf Studies... Okay.. I guess I can do that.. Then of course DAD throws in "well we dont know for sure if you got that job so maybe you can go to school (El Camino) for about two weeks until that First Steps calls me and confirms the job. Then drop the classes if/when I get the job... PROBLEM: I have never, ever dropped a class before.. I hate the idea of dropping a class (to me: dropping a class is sort of giving up) 

So... we are back to SQAURE ONE:  going to school and going to work (if I get it) Today has been so frustrating.. and we didnt solve anything.... I still am going to school!!! (Which I dont want to do) I am gonna be so BURNT OUT when I go to grad school, if I get in.

This year, has been a year of LIMBO and it is extremely frustrating.. I want it to be over... I want to be in grad school or have a full time job!!!! GEEZ!

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